Earworms

And How To Fix 'Em

OK, so I just watched "The Interview" the other night...the comedy about a plot to kill Kim Jong Un. Gotta say, it's a trifle but it made me laugh my ass off. I liked it a lot. But then I love Franco and Rogen...The one downside for me was that while there was some really great and funny stuff in the movie regarding the Katy Perry song "Firework", that awful thing is now stuck in head. I believe it was Dave Barry who suggested that the reason we hate certain songs so much is that they have awful lyrics attached to super catchy melodies that we can't get out of our heads. Well I can't stand and avoid all things Perry but in this case, I was a captive audience. BUT, not to worry, I have the answer to persistent earworms my friends. Don't try to get them out, don't try to replace them with an earworm you like. Instead, just write some new lyrics that make fun of the ones you don't like. And sing them in your head in your own voice, not that in the voice of the bellowing water-buffalo who recorded them. So...I give you...the answer! You're welcome.

Narcissist (To the Tune of Firework) By Gene Burnett

Do you ever feel like a firework?

And everybody else is just a bunch of jerks?

Do you ever feel, so superior

Like you are specialer than him or them or her?

You already know who you’re better than

You keep telling them—But they don’t seem to understand

Do you know that there's still a chance for you?

'Cause there is dark in you

Chorus:

You just gotta expose your pose and let it show

And let it grow so we will know

That baby, you're a narcissist

A selfish little crazy bitch

Make 'em go "Yes, yes, yes"

As you become depressed, pressed, pressed

Baby, you're a narcissist

Come on, let your bubble burst

Make 'em go "Yes, yes, yes"

As you turn into a mess, mess, mess

You don't have to feel like a superstar

Like you're original and better than we are

If you only knew that you’re a little punk

After a hurricane comes a pile of junk

Maybe the reason why all the doors are closed

Is everybody wants you to hit the road

         We are losing hope, you’re so grandiose        

If you want a home…

Repeat Chorus

Boom, boom, boom

Baby you’re a loon, loon, loon

Everything is you, you, you

Now everybody’s through-through-through