Tips For NarcissistsIf you want to be a star, you are a narcissist. Being a "star" means having the world pay attention to you and what you do. By "the world", I mean people you don't know, the public at large. Most people are happier when the world does not pay attention to them and what they do. But you want it. And you want it bad.
This is because you are a deeply wounded person. The wound, usually parental rejection and/or seduction, made you feel very bad about yourself. In order to make sense of the pain you were in, you created, or were helped to create, an image of yourself as "special", "different" and "better" than the rest of us. Getting praise, love and attention for this image of yours is what you hope will heal that wound.
So here are some tips to help you get what you want.
1. The first thing you need to do if you want to become a star in the entertainment industry is to decide whether to hide or flaunt your narcissism. I recommend flaunting it. If you're upfront about the fact than other people don't really exist for you, except to the extent that they can help you with your fame project, at the very least, it's refreshing...
Sadly, many people decide to hide it, talking endlessly about "love" and "community" and such, while being just as ruthlessly spotlight hungry as anyone else. So come on, admit it. Just look in your bathroom mirror and say," I'd sell out just about anyone and anything to further my career." Try it. After admitting it you might find that you actually start to care a little bit about other people.
Unlike Hollywood faux honesty that's actually a tactic to cover your selfish tracks, real honesty can actually change you. Being honest permits a movement within you that lies hold in place. So I say, Fuck it, tell the truth. You don't care about other people, you don't care about anything really except being noticed, worshipped and adored by strangers who you really don't like much. If you cannot bring yourself to be totally honest about it, at least try to be a little bit more honest about it. Or, lie your ass off and pretend you're a caring compassionate "artist". Your choice.
2. Whether you decide to hide or flaunt your narcissism, please be really talented. Seriously. Narcissism is so much easier to tolerate in the wildly talented. The less talent a person has, the more annoying and pathetic their narcissism. So spare us all a huge pain in the ass and be talented. And work as hard as you possibly can on maximizing your talent. Be very good at what you do.
3. Whether you decide to flaunt or hide your narcissism, DO NOT EVER discourse publicly about how we all need to "love ourselves". Just shut up about that. When narcissists talk about "self love", we all sense immediately that it's bullshit. If you're hiding your narcissism, the jig is up. If you're flaunting it, you're not making sense. Either way, it's unpleasant for all concerned.
The reason we know that you are bullshitting when you talk about "self love" is that you yourself don't really love your own self and we can sense it. You love your image of yourself, not your actual self. For example, you might "love" your image of yourself as a calm, "above it all", spiritual person, when you are actually anxious most of the time. The disparity between this image and your "actual self", as with many other "star qualities", is readily apparent and can often be settled with a tape measure. But you much prefer the image to the tape. So lay low, focus on that image, and let people who know something about love do the talking.
4. You will need followers and people who are on your side. One way you can do this to be so talented and charming that people can't help but like you. Another way you can get people on your side is to appeal to their own narcissism. You have to convince them that feeding you is actually feeding them. The ways other people garner support in this world, things like caring about others, helping them out, showing vulnerability, sharing resources, forget about that stuff. Those things are not even in the realm of the possible for you. Not until life has beaten the living shit out of you, and maybe not even then. You may think you are doing these things now but you are kidding yourself. You are not.
So meanwhile, the only carrot you can offer people is the sunshine of your approval. Many people are such suckers, harbor such delusions of grandeur, and are so uncritical in their thinking that they will fall for whatever you dish out, as long as you are reasonably charismatic and tell them what they want to hear, namely that you believe the image they have of themselves and are trying to put over. Give them small doses of this medicine while generally keeping it just out of reach. They will not only follow you anywhere but some will actually die for you.
Don't worry about these people. They are headed for their own lemming cliff just like you and all the rest of us. You're actually doing them a favor by leading them on. You're hastening their day of reckoning, when the truth, or at least a less false lie, will reveal itself. You're actually doing this for each other.
What you have to worry about are the others. The ones who aren't as narcissistic as you are. The ones who can kind of think, sort of clearly, some of the time. The ones who care at least somewhat about other people. These folks can sense your con and block your way subtly or not so subtly. So you've got to fool these people. You have to find some part of you that has at least some mild interest in what these folks are interested in. You have to act like a real person here. You can appeal to what narcissism they have, but you have to do it gently and very carefully, because they can smell someone lying to them. You have to produce more of a scent than a smell, if you catch my drift. Anytime you expect help or love or admiration from someone like this and you get a kind of pulling back instead, chances are you just now overdid it. So chill out and don't be too pushy with them. Work all your usual tricks but in slow motion...
Now the really sharp people, the ones who can see through you like water, you can only charm with pure talent and hard work. If they see that, they can forgive the other stuff they see. They'll suffer some of your bullshit and games, even take a hit or two, because they also see the talent and wounded heart in there, and are trusting life to break you down to Earth. They wish the whole process well, even you. So you don't have to worry or pretend to worry about them AT ALL. They will actually be offended if you do.
5. Now, keep your eyes out constantly, and I mean all the time, for any opening in the wall that's between you and the attention you deserve.
Just kidding. I know you're already doing this.
What you really have to pay attention to is what you do when you see your chance.
When you spot that opening, some opportunity to grab some attention or further your career, you want to full take advantage of it without blowing your cover or being too obvious. Let's say you see a celebrity who came to the party late and who no one recognizes yet. If no one's around or watching, just dive in and go for it. Chat them up and see if they can do anything for you. Virtually all celebrities are narcissists, so start with some not too obvious flattery. If the suckers are around, you can still dive in but do it with a smile or a wink that says, Hey watch this. If the shrinks are around, dive in with a shrug. They know what you're doing and you can't hide it. If the citizens are around, don't dive in. Just work your way slowly, steadily towards your goal. Every now and then go away from it, just to score points, but overall, keep moving towards that opening...
6. Help people who can help you, don't help people who can't. Don't actively block them, that can come back to haunt you, make you enemies, and give you bad press. Just don't help them.
7. Repeat until famous. Get into drugs of some kind, including, but not limited to celebrity itself. Put off the pain until you can't anymore. Then feel the shit out of it. Sort your life out and emerge a better, or dead person. Write book if you must.
So, in summary:
Decide to hide or flaunt your narcissism. (C'mon flaunt it!)
Be very talented. Work very hard.
Shut up about "self love".
Don't worry about the suckers and the shrinks.
Focus on fooling the citizens in between.
Find and exploit the cracks.
Help people who can help you.
Get famous.
Rise, fall, learn or die trying.
You're welcome.
LOL !After reading this blog I thought to myself Why in the fuck are we made this way ? Why all the smoke and mirrors ? Why are the way we relate to others filled with so much fucking fog why does it take studying phycology for 10 years just to understand humans ? and do we realy understand ? There are so many theories By all these different men . and then there is all the religions of the world . Im about to go mad ! LOL
ReplyDeleteContinued -
ReplyDeleteWhy is it that a manly man with confidence and carisma have so many woman interested in them ? Why is it that someone who is good at schmoozing makes more money ,has more friends ,gets more in life ? Why is it that when a overwheight woman looses all the weight and gets attention from men she trades up ? Why are we like this ?Why do we desire this so much ?
Have we been programmed by hollywood to behave this way ? Where does it come from ? Is our biggest desire to be loved and admired ? What if none of it matters in the big picture ? Is there a higher purpose in life than the desire to be loved by men ? So many questions .
Hmmm...well, maybe. I recognize that there's a certain irony here, and in particular overstatement, and that you may be mocking the narcissist's false certainty by adopting your own tone of exaggerated certainty. So perhaps I'm wrong in critiquing you at a pretty literal level. If so, you'll probably let me know. That said, I have some criticism. I have no praise. (Sorry.)
ReplyDeleteFirst, you seem to be overplaying the idea of "narcissism," elevating it into a thing rather than what it might at best be: a pretty rough description of some trends in human character. I've never met a person as simple as the entity described above. (Again, I'm probably taking you too literally.)
Second, I should note that the theft of the legend of Narcissus by the shrinks is illegitimate. The story is not about a person who wants approval or love from others; it's about someone who rejected everyone else's love as not good enough and was cursed by the gods (when another boy whom Narcissus had rejected prayed for the gods' help in taking vengeance). But that's not central.
>Being a "star" means having the world pay attention to you and what you do.
Maybe. I think it's possible that people have different reasons for wanting to be stars, but "narcissism" neither explains very much nor predicts much. I suspect that the most likely reason people want stardom (I mean really want it, esp. after having a little taste at the high school talent show or whatever) is they have an highly developed pleasurable response to the perfectly common wish, found in most people, to be admired and praised. Any trait you can think of varies in intensity, and I can't see any reason why pleasure in praise would be any different. In other words, they want that approval because it feels great.
>This is because you are a deeply wounded person. The wound, usually parental rejection and/or seduction, made you feel very bad about yourself.
Is there any evidence for this? It sounds like second-hand and highly over-generalized psychoanalysis. They aren't famous for actually looking at controlled data, you know; and this "explanation" is additionally suspect since it probably explains (that is, is said to explain) just about every other problem, as well.
>In order to make sense of the pain you were in, you created, or were helped to create, an image of yourself as "special", "different" and "better" than the rest of us. Getting praise, love and attention for this image of yours is what you hope will heal that wound.
Really? I can't see any obvious way that idea would "make sense of the pain you were in." And what about people who really are different and special? I find it hard to believe, for example, that Beethoven, Shakespeare, and Einstein didn't see life more intensely, and probably at times with an almost unbearable intensity, compared to the vast majority of the dullards who sit in front of the TV and yelp at the sit-coms.
>When narcissists talk about "self love", we all sense immediately that it's bullshit.
Doubt it. Most people aren't particularly perceptive about gurus. If they were, the world wouldn't be run by the ideas we inherit from them.
>If the shrinks are around, dive in with a shrug. They know what you're doing and you can't hide it.
I greatly doubt it. Such studies as have been performed on shrinks show that they are less able to predict future behavior than are ordinary citizens.
In answer to the first "anonymous", I would say that biology is responsible for much of what you ask. Nature is just trying to get the sperm and the egg together to keep the whole she-bang (no pun intended!) going. Status confers all kinds of gifts including more mating opportunities. People are made differently though. I think our diversity is biological too. The more types of people there are the more the chances that whatever type will best survive the next "flood" will be around. Plenty of people don't trade up when they loose weight. There are plenty of miserable "stars". Some people study psychology for decades and don't know shit about people. Others seem almost born with that understanding. As for there being a "higher purpose" to life? I don't know. I think it depends on your point of view. You can see and find a higher purpose in life and it can be of real use in your life. But is it really "there", as in existing in some absolute intrinsic way? I don't know. Meaning is what you make of it. I would recommend doing what feels most deeply right and letting go of what's ultimately "higher" or "lower".
ReplyDeleteAs for "anonymous" number two. I am deliberately writing with more certainty than I have. I did after all write the song "You Are Wrong". I am over certain and over simplifying to make a point and hopefully to be a little funny. To be more accurate I would say that "narcissism" is tendency in most modern people. Few are true psychopathic narcissists, but more and more people, at least in my view are showing signs of heading there.
ReplyDeleteAs I understand it, Narcissus fell in love, not with himself, but with his reflection, an image of himself. Popular thought has it that narcissists, that is to say people with strong narcissistic tendencies, are "in love with themselves", but I think they are actually more in love with an exaggerated image of themselves. This image is that they are "special" and "better" than other people. Not better composers or scientists, but better people, more better in every way,in a special class by themselves.
Enjoying praise or approval is, to me, very different from needing or craving it. Narcissists that I have known, and I count myself, especially my young self among them, have a real need for that approval to stave off a gnawing sense of inferiority and self-doubt. Wanting to be a star, wanting literally everyone to know your name is different from doing what you love very well and enjoying what praise comes. Narcissist seem in love with fame itself and seek that spotlight constantly. Artists, or what I would call true artists, seem to put up with the spot light, rather than seek it out. If their muse leads them to unpopular work, they go with the muse. And again, people are not pure types, but they do, in my experience, tend towards being mostly one way or the other
Approval from others is nice and most people bend somewhat to get it. But I think people with a strong element of narcissism in their personalities don't really enjoy it. They crave it like junk food. They consume it constantly, are never satisfied, and always want more.
As for narcissists being deeply wounded people, that's what I sense in me and most people I know who show strong elements of N. in their make up. What I experienced and what I've seen somewhat in others is a combination of parental rejection of the child coupled with a kind of seduction. The parent realizes on some level that they have rejected the child as he or she is. They often ask the child to meet their own, the parent's needs. They sense the damage they are doing and so offer the child a bargain: I won't meet your needs, I'll ask you to meet my needs (especially my need for uncritical approval and love) and in return I will tell you you are "special" and "better" than other people. Continued below...
I don't think all of this is absolutely true and I don't know for sure how this would be studied in a hard data kind of way or that I would want to do this kind of study. It is one way of making sense of this sense of "special-ness" and it's one that bears out in my experience over and over again. I've actually seen it a decent amount in people involved in music. The parents reject that child's natural self, in particular the child's needs, in favor of seducing them with the "special" myth. It really does help the kid make sense of his or her pain to be told they are more "special" than others. It took me decades to more fully appreciate what I have in common with my fellow humans, than what sets me apart. It's not that people aren't special or have special talents and gifts. It's the belief that one is more special, has a special destiny, like Luke Skywalker, and are therefore literally better than others. Narcissists I have known cannot stand the idea that they might be ordinary people with gifts and talents and faults like everyone else. At its extreme, other people don't really exist except to further what I call the N's fame project. I am over generalizing and simplifying and being over certain in my post to provide a sharp mirror for the reader to look at his or her own relationship with fame, etc..
ReplyDeleteI do think that when N's talk about "self love" we can all sense, on some level, that it's bullshit. I think many, many of us have too much invested in whatever the N's, or guru's seduction is, usually appealing to the disciples own narcissism, to actually admit and acknowledge this. And no, I have no data on this whatsoever. My view is that we sense it's bullshit and then we either deny or suppress this, or we have a vague or underlying sense of it, or we just see it as is.
When I say " if the shrinks are around, dive in with a shrug. They know what you're doing and you can't hide it.", I didn't mean literally psychologists or psychiatrists. It was just my knick-name for people who have a good eye and can see into other people and their games. In my post I divided people up into "suckers", "citizens" and "shrinks". I could have been more clear in my writing there.
I know many people like the type I describe in my post. My town is pretty full of them really. Sweet and sincere and pretty sharky really. I am over simplifying to make, I hope, a somewhat humorous point, but the basic underlying thrust of what I'm saying seems pretty true to my experience. Whether I can prove it in a scientific way is another story. I guess if it doesn't ring true to you, it doesn't ring true. But it sure does to me.
And thanks for your thoughtful reading of what I wrote. As usual, I am sharper for having addressed your thoughts. I'm more of a believer in psychological explanations than you are, (especially Bioenergetics and Alexander Lowen who wrote a book called Narcissism that I really like) but I am not absolute in my beliefs. It only looks that way when I write something like this, or have an argument with you. I don't really know what the Hell is going on in any kind of ultimate sense. I do however have a knack for getting along in this world and for recognizing people like the ones I describe or call narcissists. It is hard to communicate this knack though. And I may resort to or fall into ways of expressing myself that don't do it justice. I may not be able to convey it in writing, or prove it so, but I basically stand by what I wrote, irony included. GB
I can remember a time in my youth (this is anon #2 again) when I desperately wanted applause as a "rock star." I'm not sure what the term narcissism explains, however, even there, because I didn't care about any other kind of applause or approval. Movie star? No. Nobel Prize-winning scientist? Yawn. Only rock star would do (and only guitarist and singer, by the way; keyboardist, fuggedaboudit). This particular obsession doesn't therefore seem to me to be explained by "narcissism," which, if it exists, ought to be satisfied by a more general range of approval.
ReplyDelete>As I understand it, Narcissus fell in love, not with himself, but with his reflection, an image of himself.
Yes, but he didn't realize that the boy in the pond was himself (remember he lived in a society without mirrors, and he was cursed by the gods.
>Popular thought has it
It wasn't popular thought, I think, it was subliterate psychiatrists who were too lazy too think about what the myth actually meant.
>in a special class by themselves.
But isn't everyone in a special class, to himself? Hence the injunction to "love thy neighor as thyself," specifically because people do not, but rather universally love themselves, at least as a natural tendency (perhaps to be derailed by Catholicism)?
>Enjoying praise or approval is, to me, very different from needing or craving it.
But don't you need and crave what you get a specially intense pleasure from? I know I do.
>Narcissists that I have known, and I count myself, especially my young self among them, have a real need for that approval to stave off a gnawing sense of inferiority and self-doubt. Wanting to be a star, wanting literally everyone to know your name is different from doing what you love very well and enjoying what praise comes.
Here, I would say you are on to something, but I don't think it advances anything to apply the stick-on label of a misinterpreted myth. I do think it is a bit strange to see yourself that way, since of all the people I have known, you seem to be in the bottom ten percent for needing approval of others. You seem perfectly ready and willing to live (speak, move, dress) in a way that others do not approve.
>Approval from others is nice and most people bend somewhat to get it. But I think people with a strong element of narcissism in their personalities don't really enjoy it. They crave it like junk food. They consume it constantly, are never satisfied, and always want more.
Sounds like the human condition to me.
Anon #2 continued from above:
ReplyDelete>As for narcissists being deeply wounded people, that's what I sense in me and most people I know who show strong elements of N. in their make up.
Again, I'm probably belaboring this (after all, I am writing "again" again), you keep going back to this reified "narcissism" and relying on it as an explanatory device. I think you would have more of interest here and would clarify the thought if you would drop the label because it would lead to a more precise description. You tend to fade into fuzziness with the term, as in your statement that you "sense" it. I don't think it is possible to "sense" such an intricate and private world. It's hard enough to do when a person actually trusts and confides in you.
>The parent realizes on some level that they have rejected the child as he or she is. They often ask the child to meet their own, the parent's needs. They sense the damage they are doing and so offer the child a bargain: I won't meet your needs, I'll ask you to meet my needs (especially my need for uncritical approval and love) and in return I will tell you you are "special" and "better" than other people.
This may piss you off, but to me, unlike most of what you write, this sounds like something learned from a textbook or something posing as a textbook. Just about all parents want their kids to be a certain way, and just about all kids fail to meet those expectations in many ways. And in all human relationships (there's no reason to think parent-child relationships would be any different), both people expect the other one to meet some of their needs. Rather than doing "damage," such expectations are just part of life, and the child needs to learn what life is. The last thing that would benefit a child (it seems to me) is growing up thinking that the parent exists just to meet his, the child's, needs. Now, that said, obviously a parent (like a child, or a friend, or a boss, or an employee) can have unreasonable or excessive demands and needs.
You bring up good points, but they don't alter my view. I've spent my life jettisoning this idea of "specialness" from my life. When I was younger, I was different. Now, much less attached to approval, praise, worship, etc.. The child has I think a biological expectation that its needs will be met, including its need to have its needs frustrated in order to learn independence. To me, it's a question of timing. A little boy who's asked to keep Mommy company while she puts on her make-up for a big date, who's feeling guilty about having less interest in what the child's needs are and who's telling him constantly as she does this, how special and above other people he is...well that's different from a parent doing their best to take care of themselves as well as their child. An infant expects its every need to be met and, I think is good to meet an infants needs asap. As they get older of course their needs change and one of the things they need is to not have their needs met. A parent who caters to their child is no better than one who ignores them. To me, it's all about timing and emotional motivation. As for sensing people with this "narcissistic" element in their personalities, you might be right, I might be wrong, but I feel I can sense it right away. The false sincerity, the seductive vibe, the underlying self-interest and ruthless spotlight hunger, they're all pretty obvious to me. As well as a million other little quirks they exhibit. It may be the human condition to be unsatisfied, but narcissists take it to a deeper level, consume more, enjoy less, and use people more Maybe we're all like this, but to me, with narcissists, they have nothing to balance their self interest, they have very little "other interest" except to further their fame project. We all have our narcissistic tendencies and I think your flirtation with wanting to be a rock star falls into that category. If you were a true narcissist, you would have to be a star or your life would start to feel empty and desolate. When it was clear you were not going to be a rock star you would have switched arts or arenas but you would never be able to consider yourself ordinary in any way. You would be aiming for stardom in whatever field, or level of achievement you were in. There are people now who have a "condition" where they think they are in a reality TV show, followed by cameras. Many, many people now dream of stardom, sometimes secretly. I may be oversimplifying, over-generalizing, and not clear or consistent in my writing, but I know these people when I see them and I see them more and more and more and they seem more and more miserable. I'm glad to be out of the fame racket myself...GB
ReplyDeletePS: What you don't like the way I dress? ;~)
ReplyDeleteI love the way you dress. So hot.
ReplyDeleteWell, as has happened before, we are at somewhat of an impasse on this one...I think you may be pointing to some flaws in the way certain people talk to or think about themselves (yes, I do mean talk to themselves -- in the sense of internal "conversations"). I think understanding is typically harmed by attempting to "type" people as "narcissists" (or, usually, anything else). These terms come out of the need of the shrink community to erect their musings about the people they talk to and who believe their crap into a medical or rather pseudo-medical science.
The idea that a mother having a conversation with her son about what she is doing that night would have a strong effect on the personality of the child -- well, that strikes me as wholly implausible. I grant you that certain people may reach the idea that they are "special" and that this unjustified conviction may harm their lives by driving them in the direction of fruitless pursuit of fame (or fulfilled pursuit, followed by disappointment). That mommy saying something to them is the genesis of it, I greatly doubt. One reason is that in my experience the vast majority of parents (more than 90%) and grandparents will insist that their progeny or children's progeny are "special." Nature of the beast. The people you call narcissistic probably recall this experience earlier and more readily because it fits naturally with who they are (and they would inherit much of the tendency to this kind of thinking from their birth parents).
For what it's worth, the shrinks do have measures of "character," and there is no correlation at all between parenting and character. None. So the "depth" psychologists' all-purpose explanation (mommy and daddy screwed you up by not having the right kind of conversation with you when you were young and vulnerable) fails. That of course says nothing about whether some people have this kind of personality. It does however cast much doubt on whether it has anything to do with parenting (or even socialization). The way to find out is to study separated identical twins. And separated twins aren't any more alike than twins raised in the same household, so far as anyone can tell (and leaving out terrible traumas such as child abuse or malnutrition).
I greatly doubt that children have a biological expectation to have their needs met. Why would they? Is it adaptive? Is it typical to have them met? I would say it is neither adaptive nor typical to have them met. Primitives were likely just as troubled and even more busy than we are, and meeting your child's needs is difficult and complicated. What function would it serve to have most children coming into the world with the expectation of having their "needs met" by some external force? A very large proportion of primitive parents would have died young, so even if parents could and would do it (which I greatly doubt as anything even approaching a universal), too many would have croaked while junior was in the state of expectation to make that expectation realistic. And unrealistic expectations seem unproductive, likely to produce misery, frustration, and death at an early age (as you sit around waiting for someone to meet your needs while all you do is cry).
You know, it seems to me that the kind of parent who is likely to "produce" a kid who expects to have all of his needs met and to get "unconditional" love (doesn't exist, but never mind) is just the parent who DOES actually meet those needs and give that love.
Of course, I don't think the parent is likely to have much influence one way or the other, in the long run, and the available data seem to support me on this. Did you ever read Harris's first book?
I guess we are at somewhat of an impasse here...
ReplyDeleteI don't believe that a single conversation can have much effect. But I do think that many conversations, unspoken pressures and expectations, and the general vibe around the parent/child relationship, can have real effects.
As for needs being met, I think when an infant cries it's expecting its needs to be met and should. If baby crying didn't serve any adaptive needs the baby wouldn't cry, but they all do. High sounds carry better than low sounds so babies and children cry in high sounds, both when they are happy (squeals of joy) and unhappy (screams of pain). This is, I believe, to keep their parents appraised of their situation, so if needed, they can respond. Almost all young mammals have rounded faces, which we call "cute" or endearing. Again, serving to call up feelings of tenderness and caring about the needs of the young animal.
Meeting a child's needs does not mean giving them whatever they want all the time. I think parents should give an infant pretty much everything it wants, but then gradually as the child develops, support them more and more in getting what they want themselves. I don't believe you can "spoil" an infant. If you treat an older child like it was an infant though, I think damage can occur. I think "good" parenting involves sensing what the child needs to develop and grow in a healthy way, not just giving the child whatever it wants.
Very few small children, I imagine, want or need to reassure and take care of the emotional needs of their parents. Again, thinking your kid is special is normal, but encouraging them to think of themselves as more special than everyone else is not the same thing. I think many parents undermine their children's autonomy and basic self-esteem, but some feel guilty about it and use the "special" thing as a kind of compensation.
OK, so maybe I'm wrong about this as the cause of what I call narcissism. Maybe I believe in the psychological explanations too much and there's no hard data to back it up. Maybe I'm right but it would take a very different kind of study to prove it. Narcissists can be after all, extremely charming and can be very good at fooling people, even scientists doing studies...
But again, I know these people when I see them and they very rarely surprise me by showing real caring or interest in other people. Putting aside whatever science would back up or not back up my explanations, surely you've met these people. They're all over the place here. I'm a recovering one myself. You know the joke about the actor: "But enough about me. What did you think of my performance?"
I know people aren't pure "types" and that typing can be limiting and even destructive. But I do find typing useful in understanding people at times. When I've identified someone as being basically narcissistic, I don't trust them, since I only exist to further their fame project. I expect very little from them. I take everything they say, particularly positive things about me, with a big grain of salt. And I expect them to do whatever it takes to further their own project. You for instance are not like this. You genuinely care about the people in your life. You have deep feelings for other people, more than I do or am conscious of. I'd never expect you to sell me out to get a better job. And I trust you very much. Not so, these other "types". I watch them do their little tricks, their faux sincerity, their faux interest in others, their backstabbing and manipulating, their lying and sneaking around. Whatever the cause, and I'm willing to be wrong about that, even though I don't think I am, they're definitely out there and not to be trusted. I amped up all of my ideas and certainty here to write what I hoped would be a mildly amusing, perhaps mildly revelatory blog post.
On another subject, I find it fascinating how soon into your response I knew it was you. Probably midway through the second paragraph. I think it's wonderful that you have such a distinct "voice". So many people don't really...
ReplyDeleteLife sure beat the hell outa me and Im a whole hell of a lot more aware ,humble and quiet now . It grows ya up . Growing up sucks .
ReplyDeleteI wanna know who anymous 2 was!
ReplyDeleteY'all have to ID yourselves. I ain't tellin'..
ReplyDeleteOk ,I will ID myself . Ready ? Im nobody special . Anon #1 . Just a lonely person who enjoys commenting .
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 2 here...thanks for an interesting exchange.
ReplyDeleteanon #2 stol the show :(
ReplyDeleteInteresting stuff on the net about our narcissistic society epedemic .said to be caused by the Psychology gurus .Our world has changed alot since these gurus influences on the world .
ReplyDeleteI don't think psychology gurus have much to do with what I see as our increasing narcissism. Madison avenue has a lot to do with it by promoting the idea of the consumer as a little "king" or "prince" who deserves nothing but the best, that is to say, the latest product. Also, the internet which encourages people to not only have opinions but broadcast them to the world. The movies which encourage an attention based currency of value. And the fact that many parents are too busy to attend to their children's real needs and so make up for it by convincing their kids that they are more special than the other kids. And of course, all this cheap oil which gives us way more power and control over Nature than our ancestors ever dreamed of. Lots of psychology gurus and the ones noticing this trend and trying to bring people back to Earth. And of course there are others, including the New Age gurus who are always marketing the idea that we are vastly more powerful than we think, manifest the whole Universe with our thoughts, The Secret, all that stuff. My message is not a money maker: You are vastly less powerful than you think. Find your natural place and surrender to it...
ReplyDeleteIm not realy talking about the psychology gurus of today they are realy just parroting from the textbooks they learned from in colledge . The textbooks written by mortal men like Sigmund Freud . All of it is just theory.
ReplyDeleteYou make a great point about Madison avenue,movies,New Age gurus.Anyone can be a guru and find new religions or theories and get people to buy into them if they are a good at bullshitting people into believing in it. Its like a big melting pot of gue here on this earth and nobody agrees on anything.
Man realy don't know shit .Albert einstein said At best even the the smartest men/women to ever walk the planet only know 3% of the knowledge that is to be known.
Isn't it fun ? lol
We are subjected to all of the theories and beliefs of the world the day we are born .Why ? . Everyones trying to make money .Hey ,no problem ! Write a book ! be a speaker ! get into politics ! Get me to buy into your BS . so you can live in your million dollar house . Its the way of the world . I do it to ,but its all BS . I have come to understand that its much much more than that . There is something much bigger than us . there are many good people in psychology who just want to help people ,but we cannot deni that there is somthing bigger .
ReplyDeleteI saw in the news that DR Laura Schlessinger gave a public apology for saying the N word several times on the air . I thought all these shrinks have it all figured out . I agree with the person above .
ReplyDelete