The Legend Of...

The Black Gerbil

Whenever I would play around sparring with my friend's kids, usually little boys, I would adopt the Kung-fu name "The Black Gerbil". I would say things like "No one defeats the Black Gerbil!", "The Black Gerbil always triumphs!", "Come to my Exercise Wheel of Death!" and stuff like that. Being "The Black Gerbil" was sort of an alter ego of mine with these kids.

Then, about two years ago, I was giving a T'ai-Chi lesson out at the Lithia Park Bandshell in Ashland where I teach, and for some reason I just felt the urge to turn around and there, right behind me on the bandshell, was an actual little black gerbil! I couldn't believe my eyes. I've had gerbils for pets since the very first ones that were imported from Asia back in the late 60's, so I knew right away what he was. I figured, since it was the Tuesday after Easter, that perhaps a kid had brought his pet to the park that Sunday and it had escaped. I still have no idea how long he was out there, what kind of adventures he had, or how old he was at the time.

I tried but couldn't catch him, he was too fast and vanished into a hole in the bandshell building, but soon, with the help of a little Have-a-Heart trap and a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, the black gerbil was my prisoner! We brought him home and set up a little terrarium for him with some of the usual rodent supplies, but very soon my wife's maternal instincts kicked in and before too long the little guy was more her's than mine. We named him "Hay Lao Shoo", which means more or less "The Black Gerbil" in Chinese.

He turned out to be a pretty lucky little gerbil. Not only would he have been almost certainly eaten or worse out in the park, but within months he was living in a huge 55 gallon aquarium with a maze of plastic tubes, cardboard boxes and platforms to play around on and in. He also was fed a gourmet diet of organic seeds, cereals and veggies. Gerbils are generally social animals but introducing a new playmate to a solitary male is a bit tricky as they have a certain scent and they attack new additions with a different scent. The process of acclimating a new gerbil to ours was too time and energy intensive for us to pursue. Plus, he had a kind of ear infection thing that left him more or less blind in one eye and in general a bit on the weak side so we feared what would happen if we got another gerbil who was stronger.

Anyway, he lived his life as a bachelor. In spite of his infirmities, he gave his life everything he had and was really a wonderful pet. Probably my favorite pet ever. He had many delightful quirks and routines that brought us endless laughs and inspiration. Yes, inspiration. He had an amazingly cheerful and curious disposition and loved to work at chewing up things like toilet paper tubes, corn silk and egg cartons. He had a little cardboard platform that he used to sit on. We'd give him a flake of his favorite cereal (organic, nothing but the best!) and he would reach up, grab it quickly and run off to a special place to eat it. Other things he'd just eat where we gave it to him, but for cereal flakes and almonds he felt the need to rush off to a safer place. This would crack us up several times every day. We'd also put him in a plastic exercise ball and let him run around our apartment. He got very good at navigating his way around in that thing.

Occasionally, his ear thing would flair up, sometimes effecting his balance, but he always did his best to work around whatever was wrong and keep on his routine of working and resting and eating. He learned to tip his head to one side in order to see better and adopted many interesting little strategies to compensate for his handicap. It was really inspiring to watch his tiny brain learning to adapt to whatever was going on with his strength and balance. Recently, he began to take a turn for the worse and then suddenly it looked like he might have had a stroke. He was partially paralyzed and we wondered if we'd have to "put him to sleep", but somehow he worked it out to crawl and wiggle around. He even chewed up a tube or two and took a few flakes from our hands which he ate just as zealously as ever.

I half expected him to recover and just go on to yet another phase of his little life, but before long it became obvious that he was not going to make it. He stopped eating and seemed to shrink inwards as his body prepared to shut down. He did not seem to be in any pain so we decided to let Nature take its course. This morning, more than two years after we found him, the Black Gerbil finally passed away, curled up peacefully in his nest.

Rest In Peace little guy. You were a great pet, a lot of fun and you taught us a lot about life, work, rest, play, and how to deal with adversity. Plus, you were incredibly cute.

Science and Religion

What's The Difference?

I've been thinking lately that Science is really based on how the human mind works naturally. We all use the Scientific Method all the time, even fundamentalists. We develop ideas about the world based on what will best explain the evidence we encounter. The problem, as I see it, is that Science and Religion differ in what they consider "evidence". What Scientists, Mystics and gurus are looking for is some kind of knowledge, some kind of certainty. That certainty being forever elusive, I think we all settle for our favorite brand of counterfeit certainty. My own favorite brand is that nothing is really knowable, all our theories are hopelessly wrong and biased, everything is ultimately a mystery, the Universe is a fucking awesome place, and my best bet for survival and pleasure is to respect the Nature of things, develop a knack for kindness, music, friendship, and balance, flow more~force less, and see if I can enjoy the ride as much as possible, even though I have no idea what it is, who I am, where it's going, how long it will last, where it's been or what its purpose is. That's my best guess, based on the evidence I've encountered so far.

Enlightenment?

You Can Have It.

I'm after balance, the unforced kind, the kind that isn't held in place with force or discipline. The kind that flows naturally out of the ongoing balancing act of Nature. Since nothing in this Universe is still, it seems clear that balance too must be a verb not a noun. Something to seek but not to find or hold on to. In fact the act of keeping one's balance, even when simply standing, involves many, many tiny or not so tiny corrections. Better balancing does not mean no more corrections, just smaller ones. Balance is something I'm always losing. Balancing is something I'm always doing. In my practice of T'ai-Chi, my music, this blog, my marriage, my friendships, I am looking for the unforced balance that includes everything and excludes nothing. I am not after "enlightenment" as some final or permanent state of being beyond the corrections and evolving nature of being. I don't believe in such a state and if it does exist, I don't want any part of it. I'm not interested in the elimination of the self or the ego, or of what is called evil. In my view these things are all part of life and are impossible to eliminate. What is commonly called "evil" for instance is essentially selfishness. Lust, greed, violence, thievery, etc. are all forms or degrees of selfishness. Selfishness looks to me to be wired into us as human beings. I've never met a person devoid of self interest or devoid of these qualities we call "evil". Again and again, so called "spiritual" teachers, gurus and the like are shown to be just as self interested as the next person, perhaps even more so. Again and again, "spiritual" teachers sleep with their students, lie about their affairs, or their finances, or their motives. And again and again people "surrender" to these teachers who profess to know how to reach "enlightenment", what our "true nature" is, or how to "transcend" the ego. (Personally, I've found followers of guru's generally to be more self interested that most people, more passive aggressive, more competitive, less trustworthy, and less in touch with their emotions.) I think that to have an ego is to be human. To be lustful is to be human. To be angry is to be human. To be violent, to be selfish, to be greedy, to be competitive, these are all part of being a human being. So is to be loving, cooperative, compassionate, friendly, kind and generous. To be human is to be all of these things and all of these things are, at times, conducive to survival. The key to me is balance, not the elimination of the "negative" aspects of myself. It seems futile try to exclude or eliminate the "dark" stuff. It only gets darker, sneakier, and more powerful the more I try to exclude it. Instead, I accept all these things called "evil" in me. I accept that they are part of me and always will be. I also accept all the things we call "good". By accepting and including my whole self, I invite unforced balance into my life. That is why this blog, which is called "The Unforced Life" includes musings on Nature as well as musings about tattoos, and rants about being sick of The Beatles. There are pictures of album covers, pop stars, porn stars, cicadas and things made of teak wood. Nothing that is a part of life, or my life, is excluded from consideration here. Balance includes everything. And everything is tempered by its opposite or will be soon. There is a time for reverence and a time for irreverence, a time for discipline and a time for slack, a time to be "good" and a time to be "bad". Choosing one over the other, or trying to eliminate one or the other is not only impossible, it's incredibly wasteful. Why fight myself? I do my best to let myself be and only step in to interfere with myself when I feel I absolutely have to. Forceful, willful self-improvement can be productive but it is not what Taoism is about. At least not my Taoism. To me Taoism is not about discipline, or achievement, or about being virtuous or "good". It is about being natural and unforced, and accepting the unknowable mystery at the heart of existence. It means "going with the flow" even though we have no idea where it's going, where it's been, or what its purpose is. It means accepting the contradictions inherent in being human. The whole New Age Puritan obsession with purification is, in my view, doomed to failure. But what the Hell, everything is doomed to failure. If you want to try and purify yourself, transcend your ego and your separateness, be my guest. I don't think you or anyone else will ever succeed, but if that's your calling, give it your best shot. If, on the other hand, you want to accept your ego, your "evil", and your separateness, as well as your "oneness" with everything and your "goodness", without making an ideology of either; if you want to accept them as different aspects of your reality, to be experienced when they occur and moved on from when they do not, then I invite you to look into the amount of force you use in your life and see if you can use less. My experience is that the less force I use in my life the better my balancing.

Not The Best First Lines Of Songs...

Just Some Of My Favorites

I don't believe in "good" or "bad" songs or lines in songs. I just think some songs or some lines work or don't work for certain people. Here are some of my favorite first lines of songs, some my own, some from other artists. I'm not saying these are the "best" first lines I've heard, just some of my favorites. I'd love it anyone reading this would comment and add some of your favorite first lines of songs. Or if you're reading this as a result of a Facebook link, you can add your favorites there.

Starting with my all time favorite and then proceeding in no particular order...

"If there's a cure for this, I don't want it"

Love Hangover (Sawyer/Mcleod)

"Hey just between us--I'm an undiscovered genius"

Undiscovered (Gene Burnett)

"You've got a lot of nerve to say you are my friend"

Positively 4th Street (Bob Dylan)

"Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup"

Across The Universe (John Lennon)

"Songs are like tattoos, you know I've been to sea before"

Blue (Joni Mitchell)

"Sunset is an angel weeping, holding out a bloody sword"

Pacing The Cage (Bruce Cockburn)

"Woke up this morning, one of my kidneys was gone"

Beijing Blues (Gene Burnett)

"I woke up this afternoon and both the cars were gone"

Suburban Blues (Martin Mull)

"Everybody's mad, you don't know what it is, you're all covered in glitter like fairy jizz''

Didgeridon't (Gene Burnett)

"I've seen love go by my door, it's never been this close before"

You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go (Bob Dylan)

"I was raised in Arizona, just outside of Boston, in the heart of the Great Northwest"

Fated (Gene Burnett)

"From this valley they say you are going"

Red River Valley (Traditional)

"Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are"

Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star (Taylor/Traditional)

"I am blind but I don't care, I take my blindness everywhere"

Jump For Joy (Gene Burnett)

"People will know when they see this show the kind of a guy I am"

One Man Guy (Loudon Wainwright III)

"You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain, too much loving drives a man insane"

Great Balls Of Fire (Jerry Lee Lewis)

"I'm too old to expect to feel good every day"

A Good Misunderstanding (Gene Burnett)

"Think I'll pack in and buy a pick-up, take it down to L.A."

Out On The Weekend (Neil Young)

"I would wile away the hours, conferring with the flowers, consulting with the rain"

If I Only Had A Brain (Harburg/Arlen)

"We had the presents under the tree, what Santa didn't bring, we didn't need"

Let's Put The Ass Back In Christmas (Gene Burnett)

"He said you took the blues out of that Dylan song, I said I took the Dylan out of that blues songs"

My Song Now (Gene Burnett)

"I was born in a cross-fire hurricane"

Jumping Jack Flash (Mick Jagger/Keith Richards)

"Ever since I was a young boy, I played the silver ball"

Pinball Wizard (Pete Townsend)

"She's a good girl, loves her mama, loves Jesus and America too"

Free Fallin' (Tom Petty)

"Hey Mr. Wall Street on the 50th floor, can't make the payments on your penthouse no more"

Jump You Fuckers (Gene Burnett)

"I've got you under my skin, I've got you deep in the heart of me"

I've Got You Under My Skin (Cole Porter)

"Is there anybody going to listen to my story, all about the girl who came to stay?"

Girl (Lennon/McCartney)

"She would never say where she came from"

Ruby Tuesday (Mick Jagger/Keith Richards)

"The first time we made love was bad and worse each time after that"

Ten Good Days (Gene Burnett)

"Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again"

The Sounds Of Silence (Paul Simon)

"She's back on the pills, she's back on the booze, it might be sad but it sure ain't news"

Watch Her Drown (Gene Burnett)

"Everything went from bad to worse, money never changed a thing"

Up To Me (Bob Dylan)

"T'was in another lifetime, one of toil and blood, when blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mud"

Shelter From The Storm (Bob Dylan)

"You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack"

Once In A Lifetime (Talking Heads)

"I don't know why I love you like I do, all the changes you put me through"

Take Me To The River (Green/Hodges)

"I met my old lover on the street last night, she seemed so glad to see me I just smiled"

Still Crazy After All These Years (Paul Simon)

"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me"

Let it Be (Paul McCartney)

"Once I had nothing, now I have less"

Brand New World (Gene Burnett)

"Man, I wish I was jamming with The Stones on a beach in Barbados, and not stuck in Idaho in a stoner band called "The Baked Potatoes"

Ninja (Gene Burnett)

"Couple in the next room, they're bound to win a prize, they've been going at it all night long"

Duncan (Paul Simon)

"Poets would be lost, there would be no tides, nothing hanging over this saloon"

Without The Moon (Gene Burnett)

"Hear that lonesome whippoorwill, he sounds too blue to fly"

I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry (Hank Williams)

"I was alone, I took a ride, I didn't know what I would find there"

Got To Get You Into My Life (Lennon/McCartney)

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away"

Yesterday (Paul McCartney)

"Don't tell me you don't know what love is when you're old enough to know better"

Everyday I Write The Book (Elvis Costello)

"He thought he was the King of America where they pour Coca-Cola just like vintage wine"

Brilliant Mistake (Elvis Costello)

"You're a born again porn queen who finally found her niche, acting like a schoolgirl with an overwhelming itch"

The Best Deal (Gene Burnett)

"Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone"

Fire And Rain (James Taylor)

"May you never lay your head down without a hand to hold"

May You Never (John Martyn)

"In the morning you go gunning for the man who stole your water"

Do It Again (Fagen/Becker)

"Five name that I can hardly stand to hear, including yours and mine and one more chimp who isn't here"

Bad Sneakers (Fagen/Becker)

"There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold and she's buying a stairway to Heaven"

Stairway To Heaven (Led Zeppelin)

"Pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street"

Is She Really Going Out With Him? (Joe Jackson)

"Hello, is there anybody in there, just nod if you can hear me, is there anyone at home?"

Comfortably Numb (Pink Floyd)

"Fools in love, well are there any other kinds of lovers?"

Fools In Love (Joe Jackson)

"Well I bet you're wonderin' how I knew, 'bout your plans to make me blue"

Heard It Through The Grapevine (Whitfield/Strong)

I could probably go on for hours, these are just some of the first that came to mind. How about you?

My Feel Bad Hit Of The Winter

Miserable I wrote a song recently that I really like. It's called "Miserable". It's from a pretty bleak philosophical point of view, a sort of glass half empty, broken and falling off the table kind of song. The music has a kind of climbing and then falling sound that's actually really joyful for me to sing. And even though I can get behind what I'm saying and see literally everyone on earth as being essentially miserable, I have rarely gotten more joy out of singing a song than this one. Something about the way the melody, rhythm, and lyrics are coming together seems to communicate for me both the inevitable underlying suffering involved in being human, the futility and inevitability of being in denial about this essential misery, and the "in spite of it all life is a miracle, seize whatever part of the day you can and taste it" feeling that is my response to these seemingly inescapable realities. For me the joy I feel has to include the miserable to be authentic. If it's a counter to, or "transcendence" of the misery, it never feels as true to me. As the joy includes the misery, it starts getting deeper and more beautiful to me. I'm thinking, like, Billie Holiday misery and Billie Holiday beautiful. I'm nowhere near that level of course, but for me it's satisfying to even hold these things together while I'm singing, let alone go deeply into them. I guess I'm after that balance all the time. This is just my latest favorite attempt. It's still a head-case-y song but it's mine and I have to sing it. It's from my latest album, "Brand New World" and is available for downloading free or with a donation at www.GeneBurnett.com At the risk of it sounding like crap without the music, here's the lyrics: Miserable by Gene Burnett (2010) Some of you can fake it—Some of you can fake it better But you can’t fool you—Not for a second You’re miserable You can stay busy—You can stay high Open up your heart—But don’t look inside ‘Cause you’re miserable—Miserable Winners are just slow losers—We all know it Don’t put that horn down now—Come on and blow it You’re miserable It’s unhappiness that drives you forward—And it’s holding you back too It’s the ground you’re walking on—Why not tell the truth? You’re miserable—Miserable To be born is to suffer—Buddha got that part right Find the nicest way to suffer—That’s my best advice You’re miserable When God fights the Devil—They both win every time They need each other to keep each other alive ‘Cause they’re miserable—Miserable Stuck to a rock and a dying star It’s hard to sleep with that knife in your heart You’re miserable You got no answers—They all fell apart You got no horse to put before no cart You’re miserable—Miserable Every word’s a lie—Art is just a sham God is just a story—Money is a scam You’re miserable—Miserable So everything sucks—So what?—Let the show go on Don’t just pretend to have fun—Live a little—Come on You’re miserable Pretend you’re writing your part—Pretend you’re writing the whole play The director doesn’t care what you pretend as long as you play She’s miserable—Miserable We’re addicted to our struggles—Whatever they may be There’s only one solution and that is just to be Miserable—Miserable—Miserable

Brand New World

Brand New Album I'm happy to announce my first album of 2010. It's called "Brand New World" and it's available now at www.GeneBurnett.com for downloading free, or with a donation. 15 new songs including "Brand New World"--which is already a much requested song, "Miserable"--the feel bad hit of the Winter, "We Need Your Banjo"--a rare pro-banjo song, "Fix The World"--a new personal favorite of mine, "I Like You Better"--in which I rhyme 'ceiling fan' with 'Steely Dan', "Step Off Of That Throne"--a call for any and all to come down to Earth, "Preposition"--a grammar lesson from a parallel universe, and "Cut And Run"--which might be about Afghanistan... ...And there's a 16th bonus song that's only available on line. It's called "I'm Sick" and it's a tongue in cheek song about being sick of the Beatles. Actually, I'm a Beatles fan, but I've just had enough of all the marketing, wave after wave, year after year, since I was 7! Listen to it or download it only on line at www.GeneBurnett.com As usual donations are totally optional but much appreciated. My albums are relatively inexpensive to produce but they rarely break even. I do this for love. I would certainly make more money at music if I didn't record anything. But I feel compelled to continue with my experiment, recording and posting everything I write and making it as freely available as possible, on my site, on youtube, and on my myspace pages. I'm interested in what comes freely back to me when I give my music away freely. So far so good! Thanks for your support! GB

Learning From Those Who Are Different

Combat/Martial? Guru/Teacher? Entertainer/Artist? I often learn about and get clarity about myself from looking at other people, especially other people who are doing the same things I do, and noticing the differences between us. Some of the most helpful insights I've gained into my own life have come from observing other people who teach T'ai-Chi, or who write and perform songs, but do it in a way that's different from the way I do it. Usually, it starts with a feeling that someone else's approach is different from mine in a way that I either don't like or that doesn't feel right to me. Then I search my mind and heart to find out what it is that's different. For instance, I once rubbed elbows with a mixed martial artist cage match type fighter in the park where I teach. I'd always considered T'ai-Chi to be a functional martial art but it was clear from talking and doing just a bit of sparring with this guy that he could take me apart in short order. At first it was unsettling and a bit threatening, but on further reflection, I arrived at a simple, but for me, profound clarification. I realized that in my own practice, I draw a distinction between "martial training" and "combat training". To me, "martial" means "body protective" patterns of being and movement. This includes being able to "protect" one's self from things like aging, gravity, tripping, falling, energetic attacks, illness, and to some extent physical attacks. "Combat training", to me, is about fighting. It is about taking whatever principles you are developing to the level where you are able to use them in full speed full contact fighting. I realized that I love martial training games, (The entire T'ai-Chi system can be seen as levels of martial training games. Each game invites your resistance to unforced balance to the surface and then, hopefully, safely invites you to let it go.) I also realized that I was not interested in combat training which at my age (52 as of this writing) was too risky and not suited to my nature anyway. I respect combat training quite a bit, and I am not putting it down in any way, it's just not for me. I also realized that being able to defend myself physically is a useful skill and also confidence building, so I take my martial training as close to the edge of combat training as I can without actually crossing that line. I also train a bit in my imagination, hypothetically, to help my mind/body be a bit more prepared in case I ever have to cross that line involuntarily. And most importantly, I learned that I am not prepared to really fight. I don't think anyone is who doesn't practice fighting. So I don't delude myself that because I can deliver a powerful punch, or deflect a another's powerful punch in a training game, that this will somehow transfer into a real life encounter with a skilled opponent who is mobile, doesn't want to get hit, and really wants to hit me back! I like the martial training games of T'ai-Chi for what they teach me about unforced balance. And all of this I learned from hanging out with a guy in the park one afternoon. I learned a similar lesson from encountering a teacher of a related discipline back in Seattle. This person was really skilled and gifted at his art, both as a practitioner and teacher, but something about him didn't sit right with me. Again, on further reflection I began to see what it was. He focused a lot on cultivating a certain mystique around him. He would look into people's eyes in a kind of seductive way and talk about "deepening the connection". What I realized is that he was working what I call the "guru vibe", the spell that says, "Don't trust yourself, trust me." I compared this approach with my own teacher's (Andy Dale, Seattle, WA) and it just didn't sit well with me. I realized that I, like Andy, was more interested in the art itself than in being "someone" in the community around the art. I realized that I liked working "in the trenches", that is, doing the day-in-day-out work of helping people learn the art, as opposed to being the "star" or workshop leader who travels the country cultivating fans and/or worshippers. It was really a key fork in the road for me because I really could have gone down the "guru" path too. I'm wounded and have insecurities like everyone else, and the narcissistic "fix" of that worship had its appeal. But from watching this other teacher I could clearly see that this "fix" was temporary and never held very long. It needed constant reenforcement. Since my interactions with this teacher, I've seen this in other "guru" types again and again. It may be a valid path, I don't know for sure, but I do know it's not mine. So again, I owe a real debt to this teacher. From watching him and checking in with myself, I developed teaching principles that have served me well for almost 20 years now. My latest revelation along these lines involves being involved in writing, recording and performing music. By looking at the way other people are doing this, I've evolved a more and more satisfying and truthful way of relating to "the business". These observations led to my "five year experiment" of giving my music away as freely as I can and seeing what comes back freely. (See my site: www.GeneBurnett.com) One of the most helpful distinctions I've made lately is the one between being an artist versus being an entertainer. These days the words "art" and "artist" are used pretty casually. The word "artist" is sometimes used to signify high quality work of any sort. Just do anything really well and someone will start to call you an "artist". Anyone who makes music is called a "recording artist". Show some cleverness or skill in your work? You're an "artist". There's the "art" of the deal, the "art" of cooking, the "art" of negotiation, the "art" of blogging, and so on. Personally, I think the word is fast becoming meaningless. I hope not. To me, being "artistic" does not make one an artist. Nor does being skilled or good at something. Nor does being involved in making music, films or paintings. I don't think every activity is automatically an "art". When I look at people involved in creative work, I see a spectrum with "artist" at one end and "entertainer" at the other. The more of an artist a person is, in my view, the more they are motivated by the need to express themselves, especially their sense of beauty and value, in some kind of satisfying work. The more of an entertainer a person is, the more they are motivated by receiving the approval of other people. To me, an artist wants and needs to express herself. An entertainer wants and needs applause. I don't believe that being an artist is even a choice really. If there is a choice, it is whether or not to put energy into refining what one already is. Being an artist to me, is more of a "condition", like diabetes. It's something that needs to be taken care of or it will kill you. It is something you have to do. It is not something you do in order to get famous, or be liked, or worshipped, or loved. It is something you need to do in order to be yourself, be whole, or not go crazy. It is really more compulsion than career choice. It comes from the inside out, and you would never dream of quitting because other people didn't like what you were doing. You would only quit if you didn't like what you were doing. An artist can enjoy appreciation. An artist can enjoy the spotlight. But in my opinion, if you are an artist, you put up with the spotlight of public attention, you don't seek it. The way I see it, entertainers are different. They seek the spotlight. They need the spotlight. If they can get in the spotlight, they do it. If the spotlight moves elsewhere, they move where it's going. An artist lives to express emotion. An entertainer lives to elicit emotion. An artist is alive and wants to impress that life on some medium or other. An entertainer "comes alive" when people are enjoying what they do. Entertainers are often wounded people, generally unsatisfied, discontent, always hungry for more, more and more attention. Their life comes from the outside in. Artists live from the inside out. If no one likes an artist's work, they may be disappointed. If no one likes an entertainer's work, they are devastated. To me it's all about motivation. Why are you doing what you're doing? If it's to express, you're an artist. If it's to get attention and love, you're an entertainer. Obviously, this is not "the truth" or a hard and fast division. It's just a way of looking at people that's been helpful to me in understanding myself. I see it as a spectrum with most people not purely in one category or the other. And while I put myself more at the artist end of the spectrum, I want to be clear that I mean no disrespect to people who are primarily entertainers. I don't think what I'm calling "artists" are better or exist on a "higher plane" than entertainers. To me they are just different. I love entertainers, especially when I want to be entertained. I'm just not one myself. At the far end of the artist side of the spectrum, I'd put people like Vincent Van Gogh and Franz Kafka, who hardly sold anything during their lives and continued with their work because they had to. It was in their nature. At the far end of the entertainer side of the spectrum, I'd put people like Michael Jackson and Madonna, who seem to thrive in the spotlight and virtually nowhere else. By the way, I don't like all of Van Gogh's paintings or Kafka's writing, and I do like some of Michael Jackson's and Madonna's songs. But through the lens of the artist/entertainer spectrum, I'd put Vincent and Franz at one end and Michael and Madonna at the other. That's just my opinion. Again, to me it's all about motivation. You can paint to get love and be an entertainer. You can be an "entertainer", like a stand-up comic, but be doing it to express your heart, whether people like your work or not, and be an artist. The key question to me is, What do you love more, your work or having other people like your work? Clearly, an artist can enjoy appreciation and the spotlight. We all have egos, wounds and the need for validation and approval. An artist can make compromises to move in the direction of what other people will like in order to make a living and feed his family. But if you love being loved more than you love your work, to me, you are an entertainer. Again I want to be clear about this, I love entertainers and I love being entertained. But in my book, for an entertainer to be an artist, she has to love her work more than being loved for doing it. She has to be motivated primarily by the quality of her work rather than the quality of the response to her work. I learned all of this from watching people who, at least in my mind, are primarily entertainers, and trying to figure out why their approach was different from mine. From watching entertainers, I learned that I am primarily an artist, not an entertainer. I am not necessarily a great or even good one, (that's for others to decide), and certainly not a successful one in the eyes of the world, but for better or worse, I am an artist. Always have been, always will be. I've learned so much from watching people who do what I do in a different way, and then figuring out as exactly as you can, what it is that's different and why it's not right for me. I recommend it highly. GB